“This will take the steam out of your kettle! At the end of the day, you’re either a geezer or geezette. So why not try–to get along–before you get moved to the back burner?” By: ElRoy 2020
The science behind, why some couples stay together and why some don’t make it: When a child is born, the mom naturally bonds with her offspring. Ironically not all moms are able to nurture their children into ideal family relationships. It could be, because of her upbringing that she doesn’t know how to, or circumstances beyond her control (i.e. fatigue, illness, absent partner, etc.). The other factor that comes into play, is the adolescent’s development years and as a result, when they graduate from school, there is a lot of history and certain innate tendencies, that are not easily outgrown, even into maturity.
Consequently, when these young adults start looking for a partner, they are faced with 3 personality types:
1. The “Anxious” who make up about 20% of the population and are overly preoccupied with their partners and whether they love them back.
2. The “Avoidants” who make up about 25% of the population and resort to distancing strategies, to discourage attachment, because it might result in a loss of independence.
3. The “Secures” who make up about 55% the population, these are comfortable giving and receiving love and gravitate towards partners with the capacity to make them happy.
Anxious and avoidant types are drawn to each other, despite their incompatible styles: as the person seeking closeness works harder to get it, their avoidant partner pulls away, thus reaffirming their separate beliefs that relationships are unfulfilling or restrictive. Secures are usually unavailable, because they are already in a relationship. However, the single ones can happily partner with anxious and avoidant types, and even have a steadying effect on them, by helping their partners realize there is no threat.
In conclusion, it’s the normal people who save the day, because only they can neutralize the toxicity in people, (feelings of rejection or standoffish). This is one arena where being different really doesn’t pay off, because the love relationship is old school and will be for generations to come. So, striving to be normal will never go out of style and who knows you might even get lucky!
Excerpts from an article written by: Elle Hunt, Nov. 5, 2019. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/05/the-attachment-secret-are-you-a-secure-avoidant-or-anxious-partner
Compatibility Quiz: https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/compatibility-quiz/