Cause:

Her heart for a long time had been frozen by her peers,
not being able to trust, have always been her fears,
that her love was unrequited, floods my own with tears.

By: Obinnex Poet, 2022

Effect:

She’ll never change for me,
her dial is set to manipulator,
all the way through.

When she was a child,
her mama tried to nurtured her,
but her words got misconstrued.

And when her teenage peers
saw an opportunity, she cried,
because her tender heart
was forced against its will.

That’s why, I don’t confront her,
I’m afraid her icy stare
will freeze her,
all the way to the core.

I know one day she’ll betray me,
her contempt,
for having to depend on me,
is written on her wall.

But right now,
she doesn’t have someone else,
and it would hurt me to know,
if she ended up alone.

I know she’s defrauding me,
for all she can get,
but until the next grift,
all I can do is smile back,
when she deceives herself again.

By: ElRoyPoet © 2022

How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

The Danger of Self-medicating: “Cravings can repeatedly override plans and resolutions to moderate or abstain from drug use, and this can be a disruptive, frustrating, demoralizing and traumatizing experience for those who battle these cravings—an experience that for some lasts a lifetime.[…] While there are various interpretations of the exact role of dopamine, it is well established that psychoactive drugs cause artificially high bursts of phasic dopamine to be released by midbrain dopamine neurons. […] When drugs are encountered, dopamine is released in anticipation of reward, but then the drug itself—due to its chemical effects—causes an additional dopamine boost when ingested, signalling that the drug is ever increasing in value. The result, on this mainstream view, is that these boosts in dopamine trigger cravings that overestimate the amount of reward that is expected, and so explain the excessive motivational pull of cravings.[…] People who use drugs want to numb out, to feel alive, to feel accepted or socially connected, to be freed from mental or physical pain (including withdrawal symptoms), to not feel anxious, to feel included. These emotional experiences themselves can become the objects of the desires driving addiction, and drugs are a vehicle to satisfy them, at least temporarily. A craving for a cigarette can be a desire for control and order in a stressful environment. An alcohol craving can aim at feeling comforted and safe. A craving for ketamine can be a desire to feel relaxed and relieved from worries. In severe addiction, a craving might aim at a feeling of complete self-annihilation, to be freed, no matter the cost, from the painful conditions of daily life. […] Cravings are sensitive to emotional and psychological needs and values, and this helps to explain why they are so motivating. Imagine a mundane craving to check Instagram or Twitter. Built into that craving, one might also find a desire for attention, validation, social connection or interaction, a cure for loneliness, emotional numbing, maybe the self-punishing urge to compare and despair, or for what the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau called amour-propre, a form of self-love that is constituted by the recognition or approval of others. Next time you find yourself having a craving, reflect on how you experience it. Is it your brain anticipating a spike in dopamine, a flood of pleasure? ” Excerpt from Why we crave

“Having a purpose and meaning in life is a very important coping mechanism. Whatever we do in life, whatever work we produce, however much money we make, we cannot be fully happy until we know that someone else needs us, that someone else depends on our accomplishments, or on the love that we have to share. It’s not that we need other people’s good words to keep going in life, but if we don’t do something with someone else in mind, then we’re at much higher risk for poor mental health. The famous neurologist Dr. Victor Frankel said: “For people who think there’s nothing to live for and nothing more to expect from life, the question is getting these people to realize that life is still expecting something from them.” Doing something with someone else in mind can carry you through the toughest times. You’ll know the why for your existence and will be able to bear almost any how. So the question is do you do at least one thing with someone else in mind? This could be volunteering, or it could be sharing this knowledge that you gained today with other people, especially those who need it most, and these are often the people who don’t have money for therapy, and they’re usually the ones with the highest rates of anxiety disorders. Give it to them, share with others, because it can really improve your mental health. So I would like to conclude with this: another way you can do something with someone else in mind is finishing work that might benefit future generations. Even if these people will never realize what you’ve done for them, it doesn’t matter, because you will know, and this will make you realize the uniqueness and importance of your life.” Transcript excerpt from How To Cope With Anxiety Video

Commentary: In order to find meaning or purpose in your life, you must be able to set a goal. It might appear to be far away—in the beginning, but as time progresses, it becomes clearer to your view. Only goals can sustain you and make you happy. The down side is that, when you don’t have a firm grip on a righteous goal, you are susceptible to fall into despair and addictions. In my life, I have been content (blessed) for the most part, because I have gone from goal post to goal post. The harsh reality is that the right goal can have a wonderful outcome when accomplished or a devastating one when failed. On the other side of the coin—the wrong goal can have a devastating outcome when accomplished or a wonderful one when failed. Do not become discouraged if the disappointments keep piling up, there is a legitimate goal out there waiting for you to conquer it.

“People suffering from chronic loneliness are not irretrievably locked into those feelings by nature and nurture. Studies show that cognitive therapies can be effective at reducing loneliness by training people to recognize how their behaviors and thought patterns hinder them from forming the kinds of connections they value […] Another idea is to encourage synchrony. Research shows that one key to how much people like and trust each other lies in how closely their behaviors and reactions match from moment to moment. This synchrony between individuals can be as simple as reciprocating a smile or mirroring body language during conversation.” Excerpt from How Loneliness Reshapes the Brain

“Suicide is more prevalent among single people, than couples or parents, because if you don’t have someone to love and care for; what’s the point in living?” By: B. Bondsman

“Beware of those who weep with realization, for they have realized nothing.” By: Carlos Casteñeda

“In every encounter, we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange.” By: Brennan Manning

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Bible, 2 Corinthians 6:14