You’ve been in this predicament before,
But you’re almost past your prime, so you need to score.
So before you end up dancing alone on the floor,
You’re still hoping someone might ask for one more.
But what you should really be asking for,
Is a traditional man who won’t think you’re such the bore.
Because it seems every time you find someone to adore,
These republican men only give you headaches galore.
And the reason the last democrat walked out the door,
Is because you gave him heartburn all the way to the core.
A man’s heart is the leader in love,
But if that’s what you want, you’ll have to sweet-talk it for more.
Or at least until the baby is born,
And hope his brain never becomes liberated and chooses to soar.
By: ElRoyPoet, 2024
FREE FALLIN’ by Tom Petty and the heart-breakers
Op-Ed: In many traditional narratives and societal norms, the female is often portrayed as needing somebody to love in order to feel complete. If the object of her affection leaves, the cycle must start all over again. This maintains the belief that women play a perpetual supporting role, always in the shadow of a leading man, and that the show must go on with her leading man or with his understudy, and so on.
Even when women aren’t openly owned, they are often objectified—like a token girlfriend or trophy wife. That reduction takes place in various forms and intensities, but it always is a denial of a woman’s individuality and free will. The woman in subtle or overt ways is depersonalized, simply a tool to fulfill man’s wants or purposes and replaceable if unwilling or incompetent.
Conversely, the male is seen as the protagonist and star of his own reality show. He is believed to have built-in self-love, and when he does show esteem for somebody else, it’s because he decides to allow somebody else to adore him. In essence, his love is conditional—”you can hang around, only if you are devoted to me.”
This gendered dynamic reinforces stereotypes and expectations for both men and women. Women are told that their worth and fulfillment are tied to their relationships with men, while men are taught that they are the center of attention and must maintain control over their relationships. This unequal power dynamic can lead to toxic behavior, entitlement, and a lack of empathy within the union.
Love should not be viewed through a prism of power or control. Human relationships are primarily about mutual respect, support, and understanding. Everyone deserves to be the protagonist of their own story, and not be coerced to portray a supporting character in somebody else’s narrative.
Let us rewrite the script to create a culture where all individuals are encouraged to shine as the stars of their own shows, rather than be relegated to supporting roles in someone else’s production.
Pro: “In a culture where negativity is aligned with righteousness, anything good can be seen as a mark of ill-gotten privilege. And if by chance one does experience pleasure, don’t be so insensitive as to admit it in public, because that will reveal you are not allying properly with the oppressed: “When I started asking women about their experiences as mothers,” Rachel Cohen wrote in that Vox essay, “I was startled by the number who sheepishly admitted, and only after being pressed, that they had pretty equitable arrangements with their partners, and even loved being moms, but were unlikely to say any of that publicly. Doing so could seem insensitive to those whose experiences were not as positive, or those in more frustrating relationships. Some also worried that betraying too much enthusiasm for child-rearing could ossify essentialist tropes or detract from larger feminist goals.” Publicly admitting that you love and enjoy motherhood has come to be seen as a betrayal of feminism.” Excerpt from Chicken Littles Are Ruining America
Con: “Growing up, I never knew there was such a thing as choosing to stay happily single. I did know what people believed: that no one really wants to be single, or at least not for long; if they think they do, they are just fooling themselves. And if they really do stay single, they are going to grow increasingly sad and lonely as they age. […] One of the most enduring myths about single people is that what they want, more than anything else, is to escape their single lives and become romantically coupled. When my colleague Wendy Morris and I asked undergraduates how they thought they would feel if they got married, they predicted that they would be about as happy as they could possibly be; in contrast, they thought that if they stayed single, they would be miserable. In other research, we found that older single people were believed to be even more dissatisfied with their lives than younger single people. Stick a fork in those myths—they are done. In a study of more than 3,000 adults who did not have a romantic partner, researchers found that at every age, from 20 through 96, the single people’s ratings of their satisfaction with their single lives were decidedly on the satisfied end of the scale.” Excerpt from Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life
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