People ask me:
“Why don’t you have somebody to love?”
If I knew the answer to that,
I wouldn’t be sitting here alone.

A long time ago,
I got lucky and fell in love,
But then my luck ran out—
I mean, the woman ran off.

Is it me,
Or was it her?
I think it was me;
I don’t know about her.

I don’t understand it.
I should be the magnet,
And all those women
Should be the steel.

But I’m not really attracted
To any single females I’ve seen,
And there’s really no incentive for me,
To turn on my magnetic charm.

Maybe it’s the resentment,
That I harbor deep inside,
The memories of laughter,
That ended with ‘the silent treatment’.

I’ve built up a wall,
Brick by careful brick,
To leery of the consequences,
So I don’t lower my defenses.

Each female is a question,
An echo of suspicion and doubt:
Could luck still find me,
Or has it all run out?

I observe couples from a distance,
Hand in hand, side by side;
What he sees in her
I’ll never figure out.

But perhaps that’s my reality,
In my quiet solitude—
To embrace my individuality,
Is really all—that’s left to do.

For love will come back around,
Some night, when my lucky stars align,
But probably not;
I’m not a betting man, even less the astronomer.

By: ElRoyPoet © 2024

How to NEVER FIGHT with a woman: the greatest victory requires no battle

Top 4 viewer comments:

1. “Males are hard wired with a higher capacity for love: physical (flesh), emotional (compassionate) and spiritual (faith). Female love is physical (flesh) and emotional (patriotism) only. Men who are separated from a spouse (when she’s obliged to leave) are several times more lightly to break down emotionally versus women. The reason for this is because a husband is supposed to be invested in his wife and kids, to insure his generations will continue. Women on the other hand must be resilient, because the show must go on, with her leading man if possible, but if not, with his understudy and so forth.”
2. “I was in a beautiful relationship. I shared with her, some of my insecurities as the relationship grew deeper, however that eroded her interest in me over time. She had been an amazing partner and friend up to that day? After that turn of events, I sat down with my mom and explained to her what had happened to us, she immediately told me: ‘that I had made a huge mistake, and that I should now be mature enough to know, that you never share your insecurities or weaknesses with a girl, no matter how much love you believe exists in the relationship, she’ll lose interest, if she’s a good girl; or use it against you, if she’s a bad one’. Advice from a woman that had decades of successful marriage with my dad. Ignore all those female dating coaches that tell you to be emotionally open, share your pain, etc. I found out the hard way, that a man is absolutely never supposed to show vulnerability in front of women, because they just don’t understand!”
3. “She is challenging him, which is disrespectful to him. Why should anyone be entitled to challenge anyone, if not to shame or disregard their opinion, values, and ideas? If he allows her to challenge him, she won’t care about what he has to say and won’t even try to understand why he thinks that way. Because he will say whatever she wants to hear and become submissive. She will be the one leading the conversation and ultimately the relationship to its end, when she loses interest in him.”
4. “In the battle of the sexes there are winners and losers and if you can’t command respect from the onset, you don’t stand a fighting chance. Even though modern women feign that they want their prospective mate to only bring polite manners to the table, at the end of the night, all that hype goes out the window, when they fall for the smooth talker who can wield power over them, via looks, notoriety, money or dominion. That’s why it’s so important, that young women are taught by their parents, to not yield to their biological cravings, otherwise they will end up alone, bitter and cynical—if they allow themselves to be exploited by modern barbarians who are only interested in toying with their emotions and then tossing them out to the proverbial ‘trash heap of losers'”.

Why WOMEN DON’T APOLOGIZE: understanding the nature of the problem

Op-ed: As we grow up, we often think of ourselves as the center of the universe. We believe that everyone around us is simply a supporting character in our own personal narrative. This sense of self-importance can be comforting, but as we mature, we begin to realize that we are not the main character in everybody’s story.
The hardest lesson that every young adult has to learn is that they are not the main character in everybody’s story. While we may have been the center of our enabling parent’s world growing up, as we branch out on our own, we come to understand that we are just one of many characters in the grand scheme of life.
It can be a tough pill to swallow, realizing that we are not the main focus of everyone around us. We may crave attention, affirmation, and validation from others, but the truth is that until we are in a legitimate, committed family relationship, our wishful thinking doesn’t really matter to anybody else.
We are the protagonist of our own story, with our own hopes, dreams, and struggles. While it is natural to want to be the main character in somebody else’s story, the reality is that we are just a piece of the puzzle in the lives of those around us. This realization can be humbling, but it is also liberating.
Once we understand that we are not the main character in everybody’s story, we can begin to focus on building meaningful relationships with others. We can learn to appreciate the unique roles that each person plays in our lives, and in turn, the roles that we play in theirs.
Ultimately, accepting that we are not the main character in everybody’s story allows us to foster deeper connections with those to whom we matter most. It teaches us empathy, humility, and the value of being a supportive and caring presence in the lives of others.
So, while it may be difficult to come to terms with the fact that we are not the main focus of everyone around us, it is an important lesson to learn. We are all interconnected in this world, each playing an important role in our human relationships. And in the end, that is what’s most important.

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“Beware of those who weep with realization, for they have realized nothing.” By: Carlos Casteñeda

“In every encounter, we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange.” By: Brennan Manning

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18

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It’s better for WOMEN to be ADORERS: understanding the balance of attraction

The most TOXIC RELATIONSHIP BELIEF: how you may be sabotaging your success

Addressing DISRESPECT: why this is essential to relationship success

Why we break our own hearts

The Complexity of Attraction: A Psychological Perspective

The poem expresses the complexities of love and personal connection through the lens of individual experience, inviting readers to explore themes of loneliness, self-doubt, and resilience. In examining the human condition, particularly the struggles inherent in forming romantic relationships, several psychological concepts emerge that can help to validate and deepen our understanding of the themes presented in the poem.

The Nature of Attraction

As the poem begins, the speaker grapples with the question of love and attraction, presenting a struggle that is deeply rooted in the psychology of interpersonal relationships. According to the SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY, individuals evaluate relationships based on perceived costs and benefits, suggesting that attraction is not merely a chemical reaction but also a calculation of emotional and social investment (Thibaut & Kelly, 1959). The speaker’s realization that he lacks attraction for women he encounters, coupled with the absence of incentive for him to ignite his “magnetic charm,” aligns with this theory. The psychological strain of evaluating relationships through a lens of cost-benefit analysis can lead to frustration and emotional withdrawal, as illustrated in the speaker’s reflections.

Self-Perception and Resentment

The speaker’s introspection further reveals underlying issues related to self-perception. The sentiment, “I think it was me; I don’t know about her,” highlights feelings of self-blame that can often accompany romantic failures. COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THEORY (CBT) suggests that negative thought patterns can lead to behavior that reinforces those thoughts (Beck, 2011). The speaker’s portrayal of resentment, stemming from past relationships that involved joy followed by “the silent treatment,” reflects a cognitive distortion where negative experiences overshadow positive memories, contributing to a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.

Defense Mechanisms and Emotional Barriers

The poem’s imagery of building a wall, “brick by careful brick,” speaks to the psychological concept of DEFENSE MECHANISMS, particularly those of avoidance and withdrawal. Sigmund Freud theorized that individuals often create emotional barriers to protect themselves from perceived threats to their emotional well-being (Freud, 1936). The speaker expresses fear of consequences and a reluctance to lower defenses, a common behavior among individuals who have experienced emotional trauma or betrayal. This defensive posture may provide a temporary sense of security, yet it simultaneously prevents genuine connections from forming.

Loneliness and the Search for Solitude

The theme of solitude is poignantly encapsulated in the line, “To embrace my individuality / Is really all—that’s left to do.” Modern psychological research increasingly acknowledges the impact of loneliness on mental health. The American Psychological Association highlights that prolonged loneliness can lead to various psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and decreased cognitive functioning (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2018). However, the speaker’s stance on solitude is more nuanced; instead of viewing it purely as a negative state, he recognizes the potential for self-discovery and self-acceptance.

Hope and Future Possibilities

Finally, the poem concludes with a note of cautious optimism, suggesting that love may come around when “my lucky stars align.” This reflects the theme of HOPE, which is essential in psychological resilience. The concept of hope is supported by the work of C.R. Snyder, who proposed that hope involves the belief that one can devise pathways to desired goals and motivate oneself to pursue them (Snyder et al., 1991). While the speaker admits to doubts about love returning, the acknowledgment of the possibility suggests an underlying belief that circumstances can change, thus encouraging a more hopeful outlook on the future.

In conclusion, the themes explored in the poem resonate with various psychological concepts, shedding light on the human experience of love, relationship dynamics, and emotional resilience. By examining the interplay of attraction, self-perception, defense mechanisms, solitude, and hope, we gain a comprehensive understanding of the complexities involved in romantic relationships. Ultimately, the poem serves as a poignant reflection on the search for connection amid the challenging reality of emotional barriers, inviting readers to consider their own experiences with love and loneliness in a new light.

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