Two kinds of women, on the streets they say,
Gold-diggers bold or the decent ones walking away.
The first abound, a market loud and clear,
While virtuous souls speak softly, too faint to hear.
There are two types of men, an inconvenient truth:
The lecherous are many, perverting the youth.
The loyal are few, a righteous, moral breed;
Their words, like wisdom, silently proceed.
Pretty women, with dreams in their eyes,
Spend days and nights seeking love’s disguise.
With samples they offer, a taste of delight,
In hopes that a suitor will find them just right.
But deals go sour; the pretenders grow cold and sly,
While hope turns bitter in the fading summer sky.
The smooth-tongued never buy, for reasons clear—
Why pay the price when it’s freely given here?
The dairy maids, unlearned, unscrupulous, and unsought,
Their futures clouded by spilled milk not bought.
The honey they offered is now worth nothing,
For willing to put out, for men who were bluffing.
Edited by: ElRoyPoet, 2025
“If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them” — A Losing Proposition for Single Women in Today’s Dating Culture
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of ‘the heart.” By: Helen Rowland
In the modern world, women seeking genuine love often find themselves caught in a complicated, competitive game. They’re up against stereotypes like “gold diggers, party girls, and sluts”—images fueled by media and societal narratives that glorify superficiality and materialism. A good girl isn’t a “snake charmer”, and no matter how friendly her smile or polite her talk, it only gets her so far. So, can you blame the lonely guy for visiting “virtual whore” websites, instead of risking—to get caught by a man-eater? When the game gets tough, many women feel they have no choice but to join the dating sites or accept defeat.
This analysis explores the causes behind this dilemma, the effects on women’s prospects, and how societal and psychological factors have shaped today’s dating culture. It demonstrates that adopting the mindset of “joining them” is often a losing strategy, fueled by cultural shifts, digital temptations, and ingrained gender expectations.
The Rise of Superficial Competition and Stereotypes
Today’s dating scene is heavily influenced by media that glamorizes hypersexualized images and material pursuits. Sociologist Camille Paglia (1990) describes how media and advertising promote superficial standards of desirability—making women feel they must compete against stereotypes of “party girls” and “gold diggers” who leverage sexuality and wealth to attract attention. These caricatures create a marketplace where superficial qualities overshadow genuine connection, making it difficult for “good girls” to stand out.
Psychologically, women who focus on authenticity and kindness often find their efforts undervalued. Shelley Taylor (1983) notes that women tend to be socialized to prioritize relational harmony and sincerity, but in a culture obsessed with surface-level appeal, their efforts can be dismissed, leading to frustration and lowered self-esteem. Society’s emphasis on transactional and superficial qualities fosters a toxic environment where women’s true selves are often overlooked.
Effect: Women often feel they cannot compete with these stereotypes, leading to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and disillusionment. Their sincerity and politeness are overshadowed by the allure of superficiality, making it harder for them to attract meaningful partners.
Digital Temptations and Loss of Trust
The advent of online dating and virtual companionship platforms has added a new layer to this complicated landscape. Sociologist Sherry Turkle (2011) discusses how digital interactions can create illusions of intimacy that are superficial or deceptive. Men seeking quick validation or transactional encounters now prefer digital or virtual “companions,” which often leads to distrust and disillusionment among women.
Psychologist Robert Weiss (2018) points out that digital intimacy can foster feelings of skepticism and emotional detachment. Women fear being exploited or misled, leading them to invest less emotionally in the pursuit of authentic relationships. The digital age has shifted the emphasis away from genuine connection toward fleeting gratification, reinforcing superficiality and further discouraging women from playing honest, sincere roles in dating.
Effect: Women become increasingly disillusioned with traditional courtship, feeling that their efforts are futile amid digital deception. This distrust breeds a cycle where superficial encounters become the norm, leaving women feeling they are fighting a losing battle for real love.
Changing Roles and Societal Expectations
Historically, women in their twenties were encouraged to adopt a “hard to get” stance, based on psychological principles like scarcity and desirability (Cialdini, 2006). This strategy was meant to enhance women’s perceived value. However, as women move into their thirties, societal narratives shift: women are expected to be more accessible and willing to settle, because they are no longer “young” and “desirable.” Sociologist Eva Illouz (2008) highlights how culture equates a woman’s worth with her youth and availability. This leads to the belief that older women have had too many partners in the past or carry too much emotional baggage, making them less attractive or less deserving of love.
Cause and Effect: This cultural messaging causes women to feel increasingly invisible or less desirable as they age, leading to resignation and lowered self-esteem. Many women believe their chances are fading, which discourages active pursuit of love and fosters a sense of hopelessness.
The “Catch-22”: When women are young, they’re told to be elusive; as they grow older, societal pressure pushes them to be more available—yet the window of opportunity shrinks. This conflicting message creates a paradox that leaves women feeling they’re fighting a losing battle, especially if they cling to outdated dating strategies.
Inability to Change and the Self-Fulfilling Cycle
Once women settle into routines or beliefs about themselves and dating, it becomes psychologically difficult to change. “Set in their ways,” they often become resistant to new approaches, reinforced by societal expectations and personal habits. Sociologist Philip Cohen (2014) explains that societal structures and ingrained gender roles create feedback loops—making it harder to break free and adapt later in life.
Effect: Women find it increasingly challenging to find suitable partners as they age, because societal narratives suggest they are “less desirable” and less likely to attract quality men. This reinforces the cycle of disappointment, further diminishing their hope of finding meaningful love.
In conclusion, the phrase “If you can’t beat them, join them” encapsulates a flawed strategy in today’s dating culture. As women face competition from superficial stereotypes, digital temptations, and societal expectations, they often feel pushed to compromise their authenticity or settle for less. Psychological research confirms that beliefs and societal narratives deeply influence behavior and self-perception—often to women’s detriment.
The current dating landscape is shaped by media-driven stereotypes, the rise of superficial digital encounters, and cultural narratives that emphasize youth and availability. These forces foster a cycle of disillusionment, where women become increasingly convinced that genuine love is out of reach. To navigate this environment successfully, women need to stay authentic, be adaptable, and reject the notion that they must join the online losers to win at love.
Ultimately, fighting against superficiality and societal pressures—rather than capitulating to them—is the key to breaking this cycle. Genuine connection and self-worth are not commodities to be exchanged or sacrificed; they are the foundation for meaningful relationships, and recognizing this is the first step toward making the game fair again.
Poem Analysis: “I’m out of milk; honey, will you settle for me?”
The poem under examination explores the themes of love, gender dynamics, and societal expectations through stark contrasts between virtue and vice, honesty and deception. The speaker presents a comparison not only between women but also between men, illustrating the complexities of human relationships against the backdrop of societal norms. Through its careful structure and vivid imagery, the poem delves into the challenges faced by both genders in their pursuit of love and acceptance.
Gender Dichotomy
The poem opens with a clear distinction between two types of women: “Gold-diggers bold or decent ones walking away.” This binary classification not only reflects societal stereotypes but also critiques them. The “gold-diggers” represent those women who seek financial security or material gain through romantic relationships, often leading to distrust and disdain. In contrast, the “decent ones” symbolize virtue and integrity, yet they are portrayed as marginalized—“too faint to hear.” This contrast not only highlights the negative perception of women driven by material desires but also emphasizes the lack of recognition for those who embody moral worth.
Similarly, the second stanza introduces a parallel dichotomy among men. Here, the poet identifies “lecherous” men as predominant figures who “pervert the youth,” suggesting a culture of exploitation that undermines genuine relationships. In stark contrast, the “loyal” men are described as a “righteous, moral breed,” suggesting that true fidelity is rare and valuable. The use of words like “wisdom” to describe the loyal man’s approach imbues them with a sense of depth and maturity that counters the superficiality attributed to their lecherous counterparts. This duality sets the stage for an exploration of how societal roles shape individual behavior and the emotional turmoil that arises from these expectations.
The Pursuit of Love
In the third stanza, the poet shifts focus to women attempting to find love: “Pretty women, with dreams in their eyes.” Here, the imagery of beauty intertwined with yearning evokes a sense of hope, yet it is tinged with a feeling of desperation. These women are depicted as actively seeking relationships, likened to offering “samples” of delight, which suggests both vulnerability and strategy in navigating the romantic landscape. The metaphor of “samples” implies a transactional nature in modern love, where affection may be bartered rather than cherished. This commodification of relationships questions the sincerity of romantic pursuits, hinting at a broader societal critique.
As the poem progresses, the tone shifts with a sense of disillusionment. The phrase “deals go sour” signals a turn in the narrative, as the initial hope fades into bitterness. The “pretenders” are characterized as “cold and sly,” calling attention to the deceit present in romantic encounters. The line “Why pay the price when it’s freely given here?” encapsulates a core tension within the poem—men who engage with women superficially, taking without investing in genuine relationships. In this way, the poem reflects the emotional costs of love in a society that often prioritizes self-interest and appearance over authenticity.
The Concluding Reflection
The final stanza adds another layer to the narrative, describing how the “dairy maids” remain “unlearned, unscrupulous, and unsought” because they have been manipulated by peer pressure into giving away free samples and, by default, becoming gold diggers. The metaphor of “spilled milk” evokes themes of regret and missed opportunities. The concluding lines—“The honey they offered is now worth nothing, / For willing to put out, for men who were bluffing”—bring together the poem’s exploration of exploitation and superficiality.
As a consequence of the “pretty women’s” misbehavior, even virtuous women have been devalued, leading all unmarried women to suffer from societal neglect. The imagery suggests not just emotional transactions but also a broader commentary on how values are assigned and how “dairy maids” are devalued in romantic pursuits. Ultimately, this decline in moral standards and self-esteem harms culture as a whole by lowering the bar and demeaning the female sex.
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Should You Give Up Dating If You’re Too Ugly?
Top Reasons Why Men Don’t Approach Strange Women anymore:
- Fear of Rejection: The fear of rejection is a powerful deterrent for many men. Studies have shown that fear of rejection and subsequent embarrassment can impact willingness to initiate conversations or pursue romantic interests (Schneider, J. A., & Phillips, J. “The Role of Rejection Sensitivity in the Relationship Between Anxiety and Sexual Dysfunction,” Journal of Sex Research, 2015). This anxiety can be particularly pronounced in situations involving strangers, where the stakes feel even higher.
- Digital Society: The shift to a digital-first society has resulted in decreased face-to-face interactions. A study published in Computers in Human Behavior highlights that as social media usage rises, depression and social anxiety can also increase, negatively impacting real-life social skills (Primack, B. A., et al., “Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S.,” American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2017). This reduction in interpersonal skills makes it challenging for men to engage confidently with strangers, particularly in romantic contexts.
- Competition: Online dating platforms have expanded the options available to both men and women but often create a hyper-competitive landscape. Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that women tend to receive messages from a wider range of men, making some men feel overlooked or inadequate (Timmermans, E., & De Caluwé, E. “The Gendered Nature of Online Dating: The Interaction Between Men and Women in Online Dating Platforms,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2017). This imbalance can discourage less conventionally attractive men from approaching women, as they may feel the odds are stacked against them.
- Perceived Risks: Concerns about false accusations and social repercussions create a climate of fear among men. A survey by the Institute for Family Studies found that a significant percentage of men reported being cautious in their interactions with women due to fears surrounding sexual consent and misunderstandings (Wilcox, W. B., & Marquardt, E. “The State of Our Unions 2018: The Complexity of Dating,” Institute for Family Studies, 2018). These worries can lead to them refraining from approaching women altogether, as they weigh the potential consequences.
- Social Norms and Gender Roles: Traditional gender roles can influence men’s behavior. Societal expectations often dictate that men should be the initiators in dating, which can create pressure. Some men might feel uncomfortable with this expectation, fearing the possibility of rejection or misunderstanding. Research indicates that social norms can significantly impact men’s willingness to engage in romantic pursuits (Rudman, L. A., & Phelan, J. E. “Backlash Effects for Disconfirming Gender Stereotypes in Organizations,” Research in Organizational Behavior, 2008).
- Personal Insecurities: Personal insecurities, such as body image issues, social anxiety, or perceived inadequacies in one’s life circumstances (e.g., job status, educational background), can significantly impact a man’s confidence in approaching women. Research shows that self-esteem plays a crucial role in social interactions, particularly in romantic contexts (Murray, S. L., & Holmes, J. G. “The Role of Self-Esteem in Romantic Relationships,” Social Psychology Quarterly, 1993).
- Lack of Social Skills: Some men may feel they lack the necessary social skills or experience to approach women confidently. The development of social skills can be impacted by a range of factors, including upbringing, social environment, and educational background. A lack of practice in social situations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hesitation (Spitzberg, B. H., & Cupach, W. R. “Interpersonal Communication Competence,” Research on Language and Social Interaction, 1989).
- Concern About Misinterpretation: Men may worry that their intentions could be misinterpreted by women, leading to awkward or hostile situations. This concern is particularly relevant in the context of heightened awareness around issues like consent and harassment. Men may be anxious about being perceived as disrespectful or predatory, which could deter them from approaching women altogether (Muehlenhard, C. L., & Kelsey, A. “The Social Context of Women’s Consent to Sex: An Exploration of the Influence of Pressure and Prior Relationships,” Sex Roles, 2010).
- Overthinking and Analysis Paralysis: Some men may overthink the interaction before it even begins, analyzing every possible outcome and potential reaction from the woman. This tendency can lead to a kind of “analysis paralysis,” where the individual becomes so bogged down in possibilities that they ultimately decide not to approach at all (Rimé, B. “The Social Sharing of Emotion: An Overview,” In Emotion and Social Behavior, 2002).
- Cultural Influences: Cultural background plays a significant role in shaping attitudes toward dating and relationships. In some cultures, direct approaches to dating may be discouraged, leading men to feel uncomfortable initiating contact with women they do not know (Khan, A., & Fagley, N. “Cultural Variations in Dating Practices: A Comparative Study,” International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 2017).
- Financial Constraints: Economic factors play a significant role in dating behaviors. A survey conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that rising costs of living, student debt, and economic instability lead many young men to delay dating and family formation (APA, “Single in America: What’s the Future of Dating?,” 2019). Many men feel that they should be financially stable before seeking relationships, leading to decreased motivation to approach women.
- Trauma: Emotional and psychological trauma can significantly affect a man’s confidence in pursuing relationships. Studies show that individuals with negative past experiences in relationships often struggle with anxiety and fear of rejection (Dewitte, M., “Fear of Intimacy and the Avoidant Attachment Style: Relationship Impacts,” Attachment & Human Development, 2010). For many men, past trauma may lead to avoidance behaviors and reluctance to engage with potential partners.
- Timing and Context: The context of a situation can play a significant role in whether or not a man feels it’s appropriate to approach a woman. For example, if a woman appears to be preoccupied, in a hurry, or engaged in a conversation with someone else, a man may feel it is not the right time to approach. Contextual cues can significantly influence a man’s decision to initiate contact (Hall, E. T., “The Silent Language,” 1959).
- Pornography: With the proliferation of online pornography, studies suggest that some men may develop altered perceptions of sexuality and intimacy. Research by Paul J. Wright and colleagues (2016) indicates that excessive consumption of pornography can lead to unrealistic expectations regarding physical appearances and sexual experiences. This can diminish curiosity about real-life interactions and lead to anxiety in pursuing potential partners, as men may feel inadequate in comparison to the curated images they see online (Wright, P. J., et al. “The Impact of Pornography on Sexual Expectation: A Study of the Relationship Between Pornography Consumption and Sexual Dysfunction,” Journal of Sex Research, 2016).
Poem Prompt:
There are two kinds of women:
The gold diggers and the God-fearing honest ones;
The former are in the majority.
There are two types of men:
The immoral and the men who keep their word;
The former are the default.
The pretty dairy maids spend their days and nights
Trying to attract prospective buyers by giving away free samples.
In the beginning, their milk is sweet, and everybody wants it,
But if they can’t secure a deal, in the end, their milk will sour,
So they eventually have to settle, for whatever they can get.
The smooth talkers never buy it,
Because why buy the cow when you can get it for free?
Since the dairy maids were never taught about culture by their mothers,
They end up being deceived by their peers.
Can a man of his word trust the dairy maid
When she says she will stop giving away free samples?
How does he know she will not stray?
Men and women don’t fall in love with each other;
It’s a transaction for perceived value.
He’s investing his gold for a wife and a future mother.
They enter a relationship hoping to find someone to love,
So they choose the best companion to procreate with
And have children to love.
A woman can have offspring with any man,
And she will love that child.
But she needs her husband to stay,
So her bitterness over his abandonment
Doesn’t turn into contempt for his child.
It’s self-preservation.
A man of his word can only have a child with a faithful woman,
Because he can only love his own offspring.
But he needs his wife not to wander,
So his regret for trusting a slut
Doesn’t turn into contempt for another man’s kid.
It’s biblical.
Poem Prompt Analysis: The Liberated Farmer’s Daughter fall from Grace
The poem serves as a vivid exploration of complex themes surrounding trust, gender dynamics, and the transactional nature of relationships. Through metaphor and vivid imagery, the poem presents a societal commentary on how men and women navigate romantic and familial bonds. This analysis delves into the central themes of trust and commitment, the marketplace of love, gender stereotypes, parenting implications, self-preservation, and cultural messages, all of which contribute to a deeper understanding of modern relationships.
Trust and Commitment
At the heart of the poem lies the theme of trust, particularly as it pertains to romantic relationships. The poem contrasts men of their word with “smooth talkers,” reflecting a broader societal concern over fidelity and honesty. Trust is foundational to healthy relationships; studies show that trust can significantly affect relationship satisfaction (Freeman & Ambady, 2011). The poem questions whether a man of his word can truly trust a woman who gives away “free samples”—a metaphor denoting promiscuity. This echoes findings by Markman et al. (2004) who assert that trust issues can arise from past betrayals, thereby complicating new relationships.
The Marketplace of Love
The poem likens women to dairy maids who attract buyers through free samples, illustrating the transactional nature of romantic interactions. This perspective resonates with contemporary theories of social exchange, which proposes that relationships are interactions aimed at maximizing rewards while minimizing costs (Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). The metaphor suggests that individuals may feel compelled to present themselves in ways that attract partners, often sacrificing authenticity for desirability. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman suggests, the ‘emotional bank account’ in relationships—a concept that denotes the cumulative trust built over time—can deplete when partners engage in deceitful practices (Gottman, 1999).
Gender Dynamics and Stereotypes
The contrasting portrayals of women as “gold diggers” versus “God-fearing honest ones” and men as “immoral” versus “men who keep their word” highlight the existing societal framework grounded in traditional gender roles. While these labels may seem simplistic, they actually underscore the strengths and expectations associated with each gender. According to social role theory, these societal norms not only outline acceptable behaviors for men and women but also provide a stable foundation for relationships and family structures (Eagly & Wood, 1999). By embracing traditional roles, individuals can foster clarity and mutual understanding in their connections, enhancing compatibility and the potential for lasting partnerships. Rather than limiting relational possibilities, these established roles can create a sense of security and purpose, ultimately benefiting society by promoting stability and cohesion within families and communities.
Parenting and Legacy
The phrase detailing a woman’s love for her child and her need for a husband’s stability underscores the emotional complexities inherent in parenthood. The poem articulates that a mother’s bitterness over abandonment can affect her feelings toward her child, connecting adult relationships and parenting outcomes. Research by Amato (2000) indicates that parental conflict and instability can significantly impact child development and emotional well-being, revealing a cycle wherein the quality of adult relationships directly influences the next generation.
Self-Preservation and Emotional Survival
Themes of self-preservation and emotional survival surface as well. The poem highlights how both genders seek to protect themselves, portraying a man who can only love his own children while needing assurance of his partner’s fidelity. This aligns with evolutionary psychology, which states that individuals are driven by instincts to ensure genetic propagation and the protection of their offspring (Buss, 2019). The fear of investing in a woman who may betray him reflects a broader instinct for emotional survival.
Cultural Messages and Societal Expectations
The notion that dairy maids were never taught about culture illustrates the significant impact of societal messages on individual behavior in relationships. This lack of cultural education perpetuates cycles of poor decision-making and fosters an environment where individuals remain unaware of healthy relational dynamics. Studies indicate that comprehensive relationship education can promote healthier choices and dynamics, reinforcing the importance of cultural narratives in shaping individual experiences (Darling et al., 2012).
A Win, Win Situation for single men – “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” By: Socrates
“Do not do or cause your loved ones to do, anything that will impede the flow of communication.” By: ElRoyPoet
“When there are rules without a relationship, resentment arises. When there is a relationship without rules, rebellion often follows. However, when there are rules within a relationship, there you will find contentment.” By: Dr. Henry Cloud
“In every encounter, we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange.” By: Brennan Manning
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4
“Beware of those who weep with realization, for they have realized nothing.” By: Carlos Casteñeda
“The only people who can make a relationship work are those who truly want it. I’ve never seen two indifferent people sustain a lasting, harmonious, and successful relationship. It’s impossible; you must be committed to creating a thriving environment for yourselves as a couple or individually. Otherwise, what’s the point? Obviously, not everyone is ready for that level of commitment.” Excerpt from: BE EVIL OR STAY SINGLE | Why Dating Ruins Good People
How MEN MESS UP new relationships: learning to tolerate insecurity
How to LOVE WITHOUT emotional ATTACHMENT: allow people to choose you
The beginning of the end: How men lose power in relationships
The way it ALL ENDS: the five endgames that all women face
LOVE has NOTHING to do with RELATIONSHIPS: setting the record straight
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