Everything I say offends

Do I speak with a careless tongue,
Unaware that my free speech is wrong?
Is it my voice that cuts so deep,
Into wounds you’ve chosen to keep?

Perhaps I see with biased eyes,
Judging what I think, not what’s wise.
Could it be your fragile self-esteem,
That feels my words fall like a heavy beam?

Maybe I speak what’s true and clear,
But truth can sting and instill fear.
Making you hide behind a shade so tight,
Unwilling to face the daylight.

If what I say is false or slight,
Why does it darken your starry night?
Sometimes offense is just a sign—
Of truths ignored, or feelings confined.

So maybe it’s not just what I say,
But how we listen, day by day.
In words, we find a mirror’s view,
Reflecting the demon we hold onto.

Reproach

There once was a dad quite bold,
Whose words often left his children cold,
They wondered with doubt,
Is it me or his spout,
Or truths that our hearts can’t uphold?

Edited By: ElRoyPoet

What to do when someone goes on the defensive

Listen to Hawk Nelson—Words song

“Everything I Say Offends”: A Reflection on Intent, Perception, and Self-Image

At the core of the statement lies a complex interplay between communication, perception, and self-awareness. When our words cause offense, it often prompts us to question: Is it because of how we perceive the other person, or how they perceive themselves?

Is it Because I Have a Poor Opinion of the Person I Say It To?
Sometimes, our comments stem from underlying judgments or biases. If we view someone negatively—perhaps due to past experiences, misunderstandings, or assumptions—we might unconsciously communicate that disdain. In such cases, our words are a reflection of our internal feelings, which may be rooted in unresolved issues or prejudiced perspectives. The offense caused could be a manifestation of our own negativity, rather than an objective critique of the person.
Or Because the Listener Has Poor Self-Esteem?
Alternatively, the person on the receiving end might have fragile self-esteem or insecurities. When confronted with honest feedback—especially if it touches on their faults or shortcomings—they may feel attacked or diminished. Their offense isn’t necessarily about the truth of the statement but about how it threatens their self-image. This defensive reaction can be an attempt to protect their sense of worth.
Is It Because What I Say Is True, and the Listener Doesn’t Want to Be Reminded of Their Faults?
Honest, truthful words can be difficult to hear. If our statements highlight someone’s flaws or mistakes, they might react defensively because acknowledging these truths challenges their self-perception. The offense arises from discomfort, guilt, or shame, rather than malice or ill intent.
Because If It Was Untrue, Why Would the Listener even care?
This question suggests that genuine offense often correlates with perceived truth. When someone becomes offended, it might indicate that the statement resonates with their internal reality—perhaps they subconsciously recognize it as accurate, even if they don’t want to admit it openly. Conversely, if the comment were entirely false, the listener might dismiss it outright, feeling no need to defend against it.

In essence, the reactions to our words reveal as much about the listener’s internal state as about our intentions. Offense can stem from various factors: perceived judgment, fragile self-esteem, discomfort with truth, or misinterpretations. Recognizing this complexity encourages us to approach communication with empathy and awareness, understanding that words can be powerful tools for connection or sources of conflict.

Ultimately, honest dialogue requires sensitivity, as the impact of our words depends not just on what we say, but on how they are received within the listener’s psychological landscape.

“To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are… Yet it is remarkable that the very people who are most self-dissatisfied and crave most for a new identity have the least self-awareness. They have turned away from an unwanted self and hence never had a good look at it. The result is that those most dissatisfied can neither dissimulate nor attain a real change of heart. They are transparent, and their unwanted qualities persist through all attempts at self-dramatization and self-transformation.” Excerpt from Bruce Lee Artist of Life Self-Esteem

“I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier. You will do greater good. You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful.” By: Gordon B. Hinckley

“Our words have power. They impact others, but they also impact us.” By: Michael Hyatt

“It does not matter how well the Bible, or the Constitution is written: if those aspirations are not animated by the spirit that dwells in your heart.” By: ElRoyPoet

“If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.” James 1:26

“But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an account for it in the day of judgement.” Matthew 12:36

Poem Analysis:

The poem “Everything I Say Offends” explores the complex dynamics of communication, perception, and emotional vulnerability. It delves into the human tendency to interpret words through the lens of personal insecurities and biases, often leading to offense and misunderstanding. By examining this poem, we can gain a richer understanding of the underlying themes of self-awareness, humility, and the importance of truthful yet compassionate communication.

Psychological Perspective: The Role of Self-Perception and Defense Mechanisms

From a psychological standpoint, the poem highlights how individuals’ internal states influence their reactions to external stimuli—particularly words. The lines “Perhaps I see with biased eyes, / Judging what I think, not what’s wise” suggest that the listener’s perception is colored by personal biases and perceptions. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias or self-serving bias, can cause individuals to interpret neutral or even caring remarks as attacks, especially when they threaten their self-esteem.

The reference to “fragile self-esteem” underscores the concept of self-worth vulnerability. According to self-esteem theories, individuals with fragile self-esteem are more prone to defensive reactions, perceiving criticism as a threat rather than constructive feedback. This defensiveness manifests as offense, which acts as a psychological shield to protect a fragile ego from feelings of shame or inadequacy.

The line “Making you hide behind a shade so tight” evokes the defense mechanism of avoidance or denial. People often shield themselves from uncomfortable truths to preserve their self-image, aligning with Carl Jung’s idea of personas—masks we wear to hide our insecurities.

Biblical Wisdom: The Call for Humility and Truthful Compassion

Biblical teachings emphasize humility and the importance of speaking truth in love. Proverbs 27:5-6 states, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” This underscores that truthful correction, even when painful, can be an act of love if delivered kindly. The poem’s acknowledgment that “truth can sting and instill fear” echoes this idea—truth, while uncomfortable, is necessary for growth.

Furthermore, the biblical concept of humility, in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves”, aligns with the poem’s underlying message. The speaker seems to grapple with the difficulty of communication that balances honesty with compassion—a reminder that our words should reflect humility and love, not arrogance or disdain.

The Paradox of Offense and Truth

The poem suggests that offense often signals underlying truths that are being ignored or unacknowledged: “Sometimes offense is just a sign— / Of truths ignored, or feelings confined.” This aligns with biblical wisdom, where confronting uncomfortable truths is often necessary for spiritual growth. Hebrews 4:12 describes the word of God as “living and active,” capable of discerning thoughts and attitudes, even when they are hidden beneath layers of denial or falsehood.

The speaker’s reflection raises an important moral and psychological point: that honest communication, though painful, can be a pathway to healing if approached with humility and love. It invites us to consider whether offense arises from the speaker’s words or the listener’s internal wounds—an invitation for self-examination and empathy.

Conclusion

This poem encapsulates the intricate interplay between honesty, perception, and emotional fragility. Psychologically, it reveals how self-esteem and defense mechanisms influence reactions to truth, often leading to offense when insecurities are triggered. Biblically, it underscores the importance of humility, love, and truthful communication as pathways to genuine understanding and growth.

Ultimately, the poem advocates for a compassionate approach to honesty—one that recognizes self-esteem issues within each person and strives to speak with kindness rooted in humility. As Proverbs reminds us, truthful words are vital, but they must be delivered with love and humility to foster healing rather than harm.

“The idea of a ‘true self’ and a ‘false’ or ‘shadow’ self has long preoccupied psychologists. For example, Carl Jung introduced the notion of the shadow side of our personality. He viewed “the shadow” as our unknown, dark side—made up of the primitive, negative, socially depreciated human emotions such as sexuality, striving for power, selfishness, greed, envy, jealousy, and anger. But although the shadow personifies everything that we fear, and therefore refuse to acknowledge, it remains a part of us. Jung believed that unless we come to terms with our shadow side, we are condemned to become its unwitting victim.” Excerpt from Make Peace With Your Unlived Life